you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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