and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
