Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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