Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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