i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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