If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
There r osticjed everywhere
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
