3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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