Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
