I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Shame - the story of my life.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
