help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
