So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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