# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
