Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
