The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
