I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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