I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
