Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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