Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
