he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
