Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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