i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
