What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
