you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Too much gin, very little bucket
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
