You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
