we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
When are your genitals available?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
