Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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