My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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