yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
