I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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