Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
