From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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