the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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