making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
