I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
