I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Can I color on your dick again?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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