after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
