my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
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He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
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I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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