i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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