Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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