im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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