Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
