Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
