If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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