He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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