dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
