Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
