Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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