if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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