this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
