I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
