She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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