I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
