Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
