Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
