Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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