tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
