did you get engaged???
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
