Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
