it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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