The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
