So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
