well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
