my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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