I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
did i just pee glitter
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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