my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
