Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
