My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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