You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
