So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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