she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
