dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
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So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
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I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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