I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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