dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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