Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
