well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
