i think i have two assholes
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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